I try to think of myself as a wise and thrifty traveler. I stay in $60 motels instead of $120 ones because that means I can afford to stay out on the road twice as long. Besides, who needs all those pillows?
I know to bring a cooler for all that free ice in vending, and I know to brew both complimentary coffee pods together- regular and decaf- to make a stronger tasting cup. You take anything in the room- shampoo, soap, laundry bags, stationary, pen- that you can’t be charged for. It becomes a game after awhile- how much you can get for how little?
But I’m just double-A. The major league players of maximizing the quality of a road trip for minimal financial stress are touring musicians. Their job is, basically, a working vacation and they’ve figured out not only how to extend a 4-minute song into a 15-minute jam (those 90-minute set times!), but how to stretch a per diem like it’s taffy. They’re the ones to turn to for tips on how to travel like a rock star (on an opening act’s budget.)
We sought out tried-and-true Texas music road warriors for protips that can also help those who’s first order of business on entering a motel is not texting a groupie, but finding an outlet next to the bed for the sleep apnea machine. Absent from the list are any tips from Texans Don Henley or Beyoncé since most of us aren’t going to need to know how to get a great Pilates workout on a private jet.
First call was to Texas country rockers Reckless Kelly, who are the kings of “road sense,” because they’ve been touring since they were knee-high to Johnny Cash. “David Hidalgo from Los Lobos taught us how to reheat a burrito in tin foil in your hotel room,” says fiddler Cody Braun. “Most rooms have a Kleenex box and an iron for your clothes. First you remove all the Kleenex. Then, plug in the iron and place it upside down in the box: instant hot plate!” You can also make grilled cheese.
Eating healthy is always a challenge on the road, where fast food franchises wink at growling tummies like streetwalkers on sailor payday. Road trips are an excuse to eat a Big Mac combo without shame. But the way Austin-based blues-folk artist Guy Forsyth makes sure he won’t one day be billed “Big” Guy Forsyth is that he cooks for himself and his band as often as possible. “If we have time, we grill outside at rest stops and state parks,” he says. His van is not only packed with amps, drums and guitar cases, but spatulas, tongs, charcoal, spices, barbecue sauce and a chimney to heat the coals without lighter fluid. If there’s only room enough in the van for a cooler or the second bass drum, well, listen, you’re no John Bonham anyway. “We shop at grocery stores instead of convenience stores, which also saves a lot of money,” he says.
Austin blues guitarist Jackie Venson is also a fan of big coolers. “There’s always all this extra food in the green room that they’re going to throw away anyway,” says Venson. “I just pack those munchies up.” The hotel’s breakfast buffet is also a good place to stock up. “I’m the to-go box queen,” Venson says with a laugh.
Some bands just want to find a restaurant with a big booth and warm food. But when you’re in these small towns where “yelp” is what they do at the rodeo, you have to trust your instincts on spin-the-wheel dining. “Thai restaurants are your best bet,” says Andy Maguire of Red Rock, who was the original bassist in Spoon. “The food is consistently good- and fairly inexpensive.” It’s also hard to go wrong with Vietnamese food, especially near the Gulf of Mexico.
OK, you’ve got the food in ya. Hopefully, you won’t need a bathroom for awhile, but when you do, make like San Antonio-based cowpunks the Hickoids, who usually play toilets, so let’s consider them experts. “Banks have the nicest bathrooms,” says former bassist Hunter Darby. Other musicians recommend Kinko’s facilities, open 24 hours and you can also make some flyers for the next show. Anything beats convenience store bathrooms, which always have a line, so you can practice holding your breath.
One of the hazards of touring is the threat of having your car broken into. Vans and trailers attract thieves like fruit flies. “Try to never leave anything in your car,” advises Terri Hendrix, whose second home has been the road for two decades. “If I have to, I throw a black tablecloth over the seats and you can't tell anything's in the car.” The black fabric also helps to keep things from melting in the heat.
Hendrix also never leaves San Marcos without a pair of immersion heaters- one for the car and one for her gig bag. “I make instant coffee, heat soup, boil tea ... you name it!” You can pre-mix your own extra-strength, freeze-dried, mocha café for some gourmet joe in towns where 7-11 is, otherwise, the best coffee option.
Touring can make one grungey, and then you have to hit the stage with a fresh look. But there are a few tricks to keep yourself presentable. Reckless Kelly drummer Jay Nazz bundles his clean underwear in a rubber band, so he doesn’t mistakenly re-use dirty ones. Other musicians put their dirty clothes in Ziploc bags or the plastic laundry bags found in most hotel rooms. There’s always time for laundry.
“Pack light,” Cody Braun says. “A big bag takes up too much room, and you can only wear one pair of shoes at a time!”
Cramped conditions and long hours of driving may cause crankiness, in both bands and families, but Cody Braun says it’s important to maintain a good attitude. “You will always get farther with a smile than with a bark,” he says. While they come off as outlaws and rebels onstage, singing about the road that’s been their tormentor and their muse, the men of Reckless Kelly are card-carrying rewards members at all the major hotel chains. It doesn’t cost anything and, Cody says, “the desk clerks are more likely to give you a little extra attention and love” if you’re part of their team. Offer to put them on the guest list, remember their names and, maybe get a room with a couch next time through.
Nobody starts playing music to get rich. They do it for the love of it. But when the number of miles driven sometimes surpasses the number of dollars taken home, you need to know how to make the most of this life you’ve chosen.
“I never saw the rainbow, much less a pot of gold/ Yeah, my first love was a wicked twisted road,” Willy Braun sings on his signature tune. Reckless Kelly may not be on a major label with tour support and gold records, but they can show Beyonce’ some culinary tricks with a clothes iron and a coffeemaker at 2 a.m.
“If you are not enjoying being on the road,” summates Guy Forsyth, “you're doing it wrong.”
A slightly-different version of this article ran in Texas Highways in 2017
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